Manic Repressive Disorder

Not one to doubt the capacity for opinions of bloggers, the following begs the question -

- Was I a jerk, or not? hee hee hee

Yesterday Mrs Phantom and I went to Walmart which I tend not to like anyway, and definately not on Sunday. ( not because of any implied reverance for the day, just that it's really busy and full of freaks, and tuesday nites are less so... ) But I digress. As Mrs Phantom drove into the parking lot, I noticed that she was about to make crop circles looking for somewhere close-in to park, and not wanting to witness this U-turn of events, I just sat back and closed my eyes hoping it would all be over soon if I silently chanted "ya na na na, na na na na, hmmmm hmmm, ya na na na..." ( second verse, same as the first ) over and over until it was over.

Suddenly, without warning, Mrs Phantom said "Did you see if there was a spot in the next row?" to which all I could answer was " I dunno, I wasn't looking...".

"Well WHAT were you doing" she queried?

"Meditating" I calmly but facitiously answered.

23 years of marital bliss managed to rear it's ugly head.

"About what?" she challenged in voice that explicitly told me I should lie my ass off.

Not being disposed to having my honest or dishonest moments dictated to me, I offered "...thinking about whether or not we'd find a parking spot in this century or whether I should hang myself from the coat hanging thingie instead."

She gave me a piercing glance and said "You're a jerk!"

She made me shop elsewhere in the store for the duration as if to say "Bad dog! Very bad doggy!"

My thoughts about parking are that it simply doesn't matter how far away you park as long as it is within 6 spaces of a cart return. People are predictable - More then 6 spaces and they will simply hide their cart next to the closest car not bothering to be concerned about potential dings or scratches on the "camo" vehicle, or the fact that you will have to move it just to get into your car. So... the safety zone is within 6 spaces, and that's where you'll find the good citizens who use the appropriate receptacle. In inclimate weather, the margin for error is -4 spaces. And also, most of those shopping at Walmart ( including us ) could stand a little more excercise in their day, a fact that is not lost on Walmart as they seem to stock vast quantities of XL and XXL² sweats in the clothing dept.

Oddly, whosomever designed their parking lots was grossly negligent and naive, and therefore only put cart returns in every other row, leaving one row cart-free, and the next cart-strewn. They also have the return row spaced at about 20+ cars, which leaves carts next to cars in spaces 7-14, and all upon the islands wherever present.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to notice these trends, does it?

So.... am I a jerk?