Monday, November 20, 2006

Sensibly Senseless

Ah... Spankings!

... They should look like this.


Wealthy aristocratic spankings...

Bare-bottomed thrashings administered to the staff for no other reason than being inspirationably spankable?

Is the punishment what was really called for?

Nope, but such decadence could be fun, no?
















Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Muhahaha.

Couldn't help myself...

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Addendum to Revelations...



Latter-day Prophesies:


The pink horse will decorate the white house after the white horse moves in, and the black and brown horses will till the fields and harvest the tomatos, green chilies, sugar beets, and cabbage while the red horse will supply cheap labor to the pale horses so that everyone can have lots of cheap plastic replica's of white action figure horses to worship in latent idolatry manifest by that which is unseen but nevertheless present regardless of the lack of an accounting nor even a moderately consenual inkling of an eye, bowel, or cognitive dissonence employed by those who so profusely proclaim it. In the meantime, the yellow horse will dominate technology and produce hypnotic interactive cartoons depicting death, wanton sex, and yellow munchie thingies eating colored pills, while the olive skinned horses will control finance and fossil fuels, and they will make war on each other for 50 times 50 years plus 2000 years minus 8 to the the power of 10 and a fortnite, till all lose count and interest, but nobody will win, and they shall be consitered hellaceous vermin with a penchant for drama. During this time nobody will give a flying shit about the constitution, being preoccupied with the cost of energy. The dark horsies will seek remuneration but shall be ignored driving them to insanity, poverty, and finally a quite rebellion in which they brainwash the pale horses by means of satelite transmissions and comedic prowess causing many of the other herds of horses to emulate their manner of speech, mode of dress, and general distaste for "the man". The green horses will tie themselves to trees but will nevertheless be cut asunder by white horses with blue collars sent by light colored horses with white collars funded by the funds of involuntary donations by painted ponies without collars who will in twain dishonor their bodies with ponies of the same paint and will demand the fair and equal housing, rights, and conubial bliss lovingly bestowed upon all the other equines of the whole earth in return for sage advise on national fashionable trends in hanging threads, raiment, and garments worn, hygene, and home redecorating with a flaming flare which will never be flaming enough to save all the horsies from freezing to death when the sun refuses to shine through the flatulent gases emitted by the constituancy of all the kings horses as well as all the peasant horses, the horses in between, and the yet unborn and unclean horses of all colours, and finally the igorant horses of the inner jungles who haven't a fucking clue. Thus is said anon and shall so be written as it shall so be done.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Mr Cooper's Capers


eh? Eh? Speak up, I'm completely deaf this morning after the Alice Cooper concert last night. He was the SHIT! Fabulous!

I'm a bit choosy about who I will see live cuz I prefer shows vs concerts and I'd rather just listen to the CD if they're just gonna stand there and sing the hits.

That said, Mr Copper was a great showman who had an excellant grasp of his audience and what they would like to see in a performance. The man's a legend, after all. His audience diverse, aged from teens to 60 year olds, was as enthusiastic a crowd as I've seen for such a small venue. 2000ish? It took some doing but I was finally able to get in front of a 20ish something young man dressed as Jesus and his spikey haired mohawkian accomplice which most certainly added to my enjoyment of the elbow to elbow standing position on the floor not 20 feet from the show. I've been in the shitty seats before at other venues and while they afford twice the comfort of the "steerage" style floor arrangement, there is simply no comparison in terms of sheer electricity both from the performer and from the adreniline filled stage groupies. Cudo's to Mr Cooper for keeping it fresh after 30+ years of performing!

It took me back to the days when the rock & roll was as interesting as the rock star.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Citizen Cain



There was a time when you could trust in a few things to be basically safe. Like a sandwich. But these days, calamity lurks in every possible disguise, integrating into every facet of life.
It's easy to blame it all on easily recognizable figures and yet sometimes it's the most seemingly trustworthy that wreak havok.

Case in point. I just had a Maxtor hard drive fail with irreplacable files on it. It's not that I don't expect that these things will happen, but after a little research I found that the model in question has been having problems for a few years now, and yet, Maxtor, in their complacent business style, hasn't issued any recalls, notices of impending electrical doom, or even any subtle hints of negligent aggression. I haven't even seen a video taped statement from Seagate claiming responsability for the tragic and early death of my drive on Al Jazeera.

This particullar model, the diamondmax 9 series, has been failing at an alarming rate - though this is secondhand user information, and Maxtor must appearently see these numbers as an acceptable loss as indicated by their lack of forthcomming candor.

In any case, it's become increasingly hard for me to focus on the whole middle east unrest and 50 years of neverending conflicts, global warming, Korean & Iranian Nukes, and potential return of Bill Maher to HBO's new season in August while being distracted by my own immediate losses.

Next time, in perfect english, I'll order the hummus...

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Vampire Vagina


Virginia's hot & sweaty,
'Scaped like a used dollar buck,
s'natually pretty,
Like a '49 pickup truck.

I once spotted a beaver,
in it's natural habitat,
A wetlands log weaver,
pursued by a thespian vampire bat.

Intelligently designed to suck,
Though mere strands of DNA,
distinguished him from backwoods dumbfucks,
Small bang, milky curds, and milky weigh.

I think I've lost my train of thought...
Olive oil, extra Virgin,
Balsamic sweet spot,
SOS, require linguistic surgeon. stat.

Monday, April 03, 2006

A Slighty Poetic Monday

These lymrics are from a recent assignment. A group of i-net friends and I occssionally assign each other a few words and a poetic style to have fun with.

The Bounds of Electric Love (mensonge, wattage, hostage)

My pseudo menage was a textbook "a trois" classic,
A waking daydream themed in avant guard jurassic,
twas was a neolithic and slightly horrific mensonge,
My nuts held hostage in a leopard printed manthong,
Volts & wattage applied to all things thoracic.

Don't Wanna Go There (Gonorrhea, Chick Corea, Split Peas, Green Cheese)

I once knew this chick from Korea,
who oozed of whiskey and gonorrhea,
We shared soup of split peas,
fashioned a condom of green cheese,
and now my cock has the texture of chick peas.

Ballad of a Barking Spider ( spider, soothing, taxi )

Herpe Alpert in a Tijauna taxi,
Shined and detailed oh so waxy,
Gay and tooting he wasn't soothing,
Killed that spider high falooting,
Inhalation overdose, insecticidal comatose.

Catfight At The OK Corral (
Thrill, cell, chill, kill, ne'er do well, pill, spell )

The outlaw known as Ne'er do Well ,
Was keen to bind with charming spell,
Send naughty chills and devilish thrills,
Killed fate with vocal bitter pills,
With glee left oral pleasures on her cell.